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Saturday, 07 November 2009
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Maggie in Texas: the first week so far!
So this week has BEEN SUPER BUSY!!!
Last Sunday, I had my first church service back in Texas/the States in the first 15 months! It was so good to worship God in English with my church family here! :) Everyone was so excited to see me here, & greeted me with big hugs & smiles & we took pictures. The best part of my time at church was when...I was feeling REALLY sick (after traveling, jet lag, & having a cold which got worse on the plane/during the flight), & then God gave us a message that was like this: "Hear the Words of the Lord: 'You have victory in Jesus' name. You may be sick in your body, but you have victory in My Name.'"! AMEN!!! I was so encouraged by that & partially healed that day!! I still have a cold, but I feel so much better!
Monday through Tuesday, I went to my friend Rachel's house. I haven't seen her in 15 months either! It was so good to see her again. She's my best friend. :) I got to shop for my first pair of jeans & shoes in 15 months! It felt so good to find my sizes! :) I also had my first Mexican food in 15 months...so greasy but so good! I was so full! We had some pretty good fish the next night. I got to learn how to play Halo 3 (I think it's version 3) & we stayed up until 3 am every night! Haha...
Wednesday, I got to speak at nighttime to the little girls in my church about my trip to South Korea. They asked a lot about North Korea! It was so awesome! :) Their hearts are so open & they are so hungry to know the truth about everything: people, Jesus, & this world! I was so happy to share with them! :) I think it's good to share with younger kids first (in a gentle manner) about things happening in our world....they are the future of our world, & Jesus says we should all be like the little children!
Thursday through Friday, I went to my old university to visit. I got to go to Chi Alpha Christian Fellowship there, & worship with 1,000 people! Chi Alpha at my school used to have 500 people, but we were the 2nd biggest Chi Alpha in America! (Chi Alpha is an inter-denominational Christian group with worship, small groups, events, etc, through the Assembly of God church...it's global but is still expanding to other countries it's not in yet) It was SO ENCOURAGING to see people I haven't seen & to worship with them! :) The worship was so powerful & I found myself on my knees at the altar, re-dedicating my heart for ministry/missions to God! :) I was so encouraged by the speaker & the Holy Spirit moving there! I wanna go every week while I'm here, if I can! :)
Friday, I got to visit the International Programs, where I volunteered for almost 2 years. It was so awesome! I learned that there are 8 Korean students at SHSU (my school), but no one is pouring into them (that's a Christian)! So ... I am going to try my hardest NEXT week to spend time with them for Jesus! :) I get to have lunch with them & do free-talk for their class with them, I hope! I can't wait! Next week is also International Student Friendship Ministries, a international/American group through Chi Alpha (awesome event)! :)
Today, my family is holding a party for me, to welcome me home. To my knowledge, there are 50 people coming!! I am so excited & nervous too! &I kinda have a headache as well. :(
So that's my week! Next week doesn't slow down either! :) But ... I feel closer to God. That's my purpose for this trip, I think: The theme of this month is "Closeness to God & True Change in my Heart." I hope that God brings it to pass! :)
Monday, 02 November 2009
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Back at Home....Some Observations about America
So I'm back at home in America. This is day 3. Here are some observations I have made in comparison between the United States & Korea:
1.) Americans eat way toooo much. I went to Golden Corral, & I took a picture of the dessert buffet. That alone was enough sugar to kill the average Korean with a heart attack! I was so amazed....
2.) Americans waste SO MUCH food. As a missionary for NK's in South Korea, I was thinking of the 7,000,000 starving NK's when I saw the food wasted at Golden Corral buffet restaurant. It made me sad!
3.) I was going to walk home from church because LITERALLY my church is in my back yard (right across my back yard, no joke). But my pastor said, "Let me give you a ride. There might be fire ants, the grass is wet, & it's dark out." I am used to walking at midnight in snow sometimes or rain many, many blocks, in South Korea!
4.) It is SO GOOD to hear things spoken in English & written in English! :)
5.) Worshiping God in English is so moving, also!! I found myself crying from my heart on Sunday because I understood the sermon & the music!
Interesting, huh? You never notice these things about your country until you leave & live elsewhere for over a year! Haha...
Saturday, 31 October 2009
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Maggie in Texas: first day home!
Hey everyone!! How are you?? I am sitting in the bedroom of my parents house in the Houston, Texas area, typing this to you! :) I am so happy to be home...it's crazy to think that I am here for a month! Just being here one day, I can already see so many differences between South Korea & America! Man....I love South Korea a lot! Haha....isn't that strange that I love another country more than my own, somewhat?
But yeah....it feels good to be with my parents & go to my home church in English here! Also, being in America, I feel so SKINNY!! Haha! In Korea, everyone is so skinny & so I feel so fat...but in America...there are many overweight people (honestly), so I feel so skinny here because I lost a LOT of weight last year while in Korea!
Another thing.....I noticed how much Americans eat! I went out to eat at an all-you-can-eat buffet with my parents today! It was so crazy!! The dessert buffet alone would be a Korean restaurants whole menu! I was so amazed! & the cups of soda were just ridiculous.....wow.
Also, through being with my family, I can see some reasons for my own behavior. God has opened my eyes about that...if you want, I'll share it with you personally, but it's some key things that effect who I am, both good & bad!
One thing is for sure: I definitely am glad that I have come to Korea & God has changed my eating habits & helped me to lose weight!!
Tomorrow, I get to go to church with some 200 of my church family members! It starts at 10:20 am & my mom said they are going to announce that "a missionary is home for a one-month break" & have me stand up (I am so nervous!). At my church, there are so many different diversities & backgrounds......& we worship & pray & read entirely in English. It will be comforting!
I'll keep you updated weekly about my adventures in America! YEEHAWWW!
Thursday, 29 October 2009
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Sin & Grace
This morning, I knew I had done it. I knew I had sinned. I woke up with that realization from the night before. Even before I made the decision to sin, I felt conviction from the Holy Spirit, which is something I had actually asked God to do: "Lord, please convict me before I sin so that I won't." Yet I still did. I actively chose to defy the gut-feeling of conviction in my heart & body & mind & soul to do what I didn't want to do, as Paul says in Romans 7.....constant struggle between body & spirit, between flesh & spirit.
You know when you sin, the feeling you get afterward? Sometimes, the sin hurts so much ... it feels like our heart is being torn in two. The biggest hurt of knowing we have sinned is to think about how much we have hurt God, in my opinion. When we sin, God's heart is broken. Today, I realized that my heart was broken because His was. Because I broke His heart, my heart too was broken. It felt like I was being torn in two pieces inside my body, heart, mind & spirit. Such an uncomfortable, horrifying, painful, degrading, shameful experience.
When we sin we also act like a dog with its tail between its legs. I know I do! When I sin, I don't want to approach God at all. I know His holiness is WAYYYY ABOVE anything or anyone's on earth, & NO ONE can measure it. David in the Psalms talks about our righteousness being like filthy rags to God....we can never measure up to His goodness. I think it's Paul who said that there is NO goodness in us, & in Romans 3:23 we come to know that all have fallen short of God's glory....WAYYYY short! & when we sin, we realize our UNholiness. Therefore, it makes is shameful for us to approach God. We think: "I'm not good enough," or "I don't deserve Him." I'm not going to lie to you.......that is true. No one deserves Him.
For a while, we convince ourselves that there is no hope. Why would God want to talk to us? Why would God want to forgive us? Sure....Jesus died for us so that God COULD communicate with us. But we don't really wanna take what Jesus gave, for the moment at least.....because of the feeling of unworthiness & shame. We feel even too gross for the precious, free gift of the Cross that God offered through His Son Jesus Christ.
But today........& every time I approach God through Jesus Christ......I experience the grace & love that I so richly don't deserve. I experience freedom that nothing else can give. I experience true freedom, like someone is unlocking me from a literal prison, the chains falling off like scales from the eyes of the blind man mentioned in the Gospels who Jesus touched & scales came out of his eyes & he could see again. Nothing else can compare to the priceless freedom Jesus offers!! His gift is immeasurable, uncountable, & unwarranted (without reason, just because He loves us). The joy that precedes is so undefinable & makes me so grateful!
The Bible says in the New Testament that if we confess our sins to Him, He is faithful to forgive us! He will never reject us! The Bible also mentions that in the New Testament.....that He will never leave or forsake us! You see, the devil doesn't want us to repent....he knows when we repent, when we come to God & confess our sins also, that we will be made free. He wants us to stay in the bondage he has worked so hard to put us into & we have sometimes willingly allowed him to do so in our lives! But when we repent, when we confess to God, then we are let out of this box of sin that satan & our own choices have thrust us into!
David, when he experienced redemption through God after sin, turned to praises, thus creating the book of Psalms in the Bible. True freedom will bring praise in song & in the heart!
Who can explain the grace of God? It is still such a mystery to me. I have discovered it's best not to explain it ...just to accept it. What can I say? I have no excuse for my sin.....all I can say is "Thank You God," & get up, dust myself off with His help, & try again with His help! The Bible says that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (in Philippians 4:16 I believe)!
No one, nothing compares to God & His love for us. No man or woman, no created thing, no animal, no family member, no amount of money, no job, no title, no car, nothing in this world can give us what God can.....true freedom! Jesus said "You will know the Truth & the Truth will make you free!" Jesus also said, "I am the Way, the Truth, & the Life...." If we know Jesus, then we know True Freedom! Amen! The Bible also says in 2 Corinthians that "if anyone is in Christ, they are a new creation; the old has gone & the new has come!" EVERY DAY! Amen!
No one dare say that God is not real.............I have seen Him in my life, I have seen His transformation. Though not explainable, but definitely acceptable..........my God is there, & my God is real! Amen!
Monday, 26 October 2009
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Leaving
I have written about this topic before...but again, it is on my heart due to recent circumstances, so I thought I would share it with you. I hope that you can gain some encouragement or insight from it yourself!
When I was a little girl, my father left my family 6 times. To this day, I still somewhat blame myself for him leaving us so many times (now, he is re-married to my Mom again, & they are Christians, so the story has changed for the better, thanks to God). I felt that I wasn't good enough, or I did something wrong to make Daddy leave.
Now as a grown woman, I am constantly reflecting that sentiment onto the men in my life, whether it be my brother or my friends or boyfriends (but especially my boyfriends, & my current boyfriend). This of course is UNFAIR to them! They are not my father. But they have all left....except for a few close guy friends & my brother of course. I am often worried that if I do one thing wrong, my boyfriend will leave me.
I have realized this year that I can trust no one completely except Jesus Christ. According to Romans 3, only God is faithful! It is so true! We can only trust God to care for us completely, stick around at all times (even in our worst behavioral moments), & understand us thoroughly (though He is perfect & we are not).
It's a strange phenomenon......the grace of God, I mean. Grace is truly getting what we don't deserve! We don't deserve God's love & forgiveness. We always make the same mistakes....& then we say "Sorry God, sorry I won't do that again." Yet we do. But ... His grace never fails us, though we often fail Him. Strange mystery, right? Who can explain the love of God? We try to do it in books & songs & thoughts.....but really we are only touching on the very edge of His garment of love...we haven't even begun to grasp its meaning.
I often feel that if I do not behave in some way that is pleasing to God or my current boyfriend, then I will lose them. I feel that I have to "perform perfectly" in order to sustain their love for me. It's strange that ... knowing God's grace, I cannot accept it unless I please Him. My pastor once told me that God won't accept any of our sacrifices ... somewhere in the Psalms, it says our righteousness is like filthy rags to God....He is SO HOLY that our deepest sacrifice still amounts to nothing in His eyes. He loves us & that is that.
Another problem I have is a deep worrying problem. It is so bad that one time, my youth pastor's wife told me, "Maggie, you should take a fast from worrying." I tried that...but it didn't last. I think the problem is that I need to pray every time I worry...but instead, I let my mind wander. This may be the common nervous response of the female species! Haha...Regardless, it's a big problem...& I often worry that it will drive away my boyfriend from me or that it will drive away God...because it shows I don't trust God, I don't trust my boyfriend, or I don't trust what is happening in my life. No one likes pessimism. I once heard that worry is a fear that we won't get what we want. Well then ... I just like to have control over everything, I know that much!
Please pray for me. I really want to change this worrying & I want to be confident in who God made me to be, & that I don't have to perform to gain His love or the love of someone who is equal to me in God's eyes. Jesus died not only to redeem us from our sins, but to save us from ourselves & deliver us from our problems!
MDrabing83
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- Name: Maggie
- Birthday: 8/30/1983
- Member Since: 6/8/2009
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About Me
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I'm a 26 year old female from Baytown, Texas near Houston. I'm currently teaching English & working in a new international-Korean church in Seoul, South Korea! I love Jesus.....if you wanna know about Him, just ask...He's my Life, my Everything.
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I miss my boyfriend in South Korea! :(
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I'm going home after 15 months in South Korea for a 1-mth break this Saturday! Please pray that my bags won't be too heavy!!!
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"Many are asking, 'Who can show us any good?' Let the light of Your face shine upon us, O Lord." -- Psalm 4:6 .. ONLY GOD IS GOOD!
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